Labyrinth
by Rogue238
Summary: Raven and Lightning present the Evotized version of Jim Henson's Labyrinth.  Dedicated to the children of the 80's.  Just a bunch more fun! Rated T just in case.  R&R please!
1. Preproduction

**Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS!**

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><p><strong>AN:** **To those who haven't read my earlier parodies, Raven LeBeau is the the daughter of Remy and Rogue from my AU dimension Reality 777. She and her boyfriend Lightning come from the future and across dimensions to bring quality. . . er, funny anyways, plays to you, the readers. There are a few things you might want to know about her dimension: 1) She looks like Mystique. 2) She has a little sister named Rachel. 3) Kitty and Piotr have a child codenamed Twinkle. 4) She and Lightning have scared Scott so much in the dimension these plays take place in that he is now permanently afraid of synchronized sentences**. This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!

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><p>And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…<p>

Labyrinth

Preproduction:

"Where'sthe piratestuff?" Pietro zips around the set – searching. "Thisdoes _not_look like piratestuff!" He picks up a costume. "Oooo, this _is_ rathernice, though." He grins.

Rogue rolls her eyes at him. "Look, not-so-quick-witted, there ain't pirate stuff because this ain't a pirate play."

"Not a pirate play?" Toad whines in shock. "But… I liked that one!"

"How can Ah be the only one who knew this wasn't a pirate play?" Rogue growls.

"Maybe because you're the only one who gets an advanced copy of the script," Raven answers, stepping out of the shadows.

Evan and Scott scream.

Lightning laughs. "I love it when you scare them."

Raven grins at her boyfriend. "Me too." She floats his clipboard to him. "Let's get started, okay?"

Jean raises her hand.

"Yes, Jean," Lightning says with a frown.

"How come we're not doing Mutants of the Caribbean 3?" Jean asks.

Raven and Lightning look at each other with frustrated smirks. "Let's just say, I think my father needs some time to cool off before we tackle that one."

"I bloody agree," Pyro whimpers from his hiding place behind Wanda. Remy's head snaps to him. He glares and drags his finger across his throat. Pyro whimpers again. Wanda sighs.

"So, what are we doing?" Scott asks.

"Labyrinth," the time-travellers answer together. This time Rogue is grinning. Scott lets out a frustrated sigh and counts to ten.

"Rogue, you will play the part of Sarah," Raven says lightly.

"Thank ya," Rogue says with a bigger grin. "At last, a play _I_ won't mind doing!"

"Was that a squeal?" Kitty asks.

"If it was anyone but Rogue, then yes," answers Bobby. "Since it _was_ Rogue, then definitely not"

Lightning decides to move on. "Gambit, you will be Jareth." Rogue's grin grows even larger.

Jean looks at her, "Rogue!"

"Oh, come on! Stay outta my head!" Rogue growls.

"Sheesh, Rogue, it's not like I read it _on purpose_! But if you ever deny finding him attractive again, I won't believe you."

Remy smirks at Rogue. She's blushing.

Raven clears her throat. She'd be getting mad, but this is Rogue and Gambit. "Can we continue?"

"Please do!" Rogue snaps.

"Piotr," Raven declares, "you will be playing Ludo. Avalanche will help with special effects."

Piotr nods from his place next to Kitty.

"Kitty, you will be the Junk Lady," Lightning says.

Kitty shrugs, "Well, at least I have some lines." Piotr nods and smiles at her. She smiles back.

"Professor Xavier, you will be Sarah's father," Raven says.

"And… Gabrielle Haller, you will be Sarah's step-mother," Lightning says quickly.

"Whatever, I just can't believe you're making me do this," she glares into nowhere.

Raven rolls her eyes. "Why did you marry her again?"

"She wasn't always so bitter, you know," Charles Xavier says with a steeple of his fingers.

Raven shakes her head, "Kurt, you will be the brave knight, Sir Didymus."

"Sveet! I get to show my charming side to ze ladies," he says. He raises his eyebrows and winks at Amanda. She blushes.

Lightning smiles at Kurt, "Rahne, you will be pulling double duty as Merlin and Ambrosius."

Rahne growls under her breath, "Figures… I'm always the dog."

"No one but you could pull it off so well," Jubilee answers.

Raven chooses to ignore them and says, "Scott, I have a very important part for you. It's actually not that bad this time."

"Really?" the so-called fearless leader of the X-Men asks. "What is it?"

"Hoggle," she says with an evil grin.

"What's the catch?" he asks cautiously. Her grin is making him nervous.

"Rogue gets to call you Scooterdinck again," Lightning laughs – and so do the rest of the cast and crew… even Raven. Scott scowls and mutters about there always being a catch. Lightning continues after he calms down with, "Pyro, Scarlet Witch, Toad, Magma, and Sunfire, you will all be fireies."

Pyro cheers. Wanda raises an eyebrow. Remy growls at him. Rogue raises an eyebrow and says, "Down, boy."

"Remy ain't a dog, chère."

"And Ah ain't… aw, forget it!" Rogue snaps as the entire cast and crew cross their arms and give her incredulous looks.

Raven snaps her fingers. "Let's get on with this, share we? Jaime, I am afraid we need your clones again – this time for the Helping Hands."

"Okay," Jaime says smiling. He's scared of Raven, of course, but not as much as the others. She's nicer to him because he's young; not to mention, she knows he can get her back better than the others.

"Jean and Amanda will be the red guard. Tabby and Danielle will be the blue guard," Lightning announces.

"Are you serious?" Jean says. "I am not standing on my head…"

"Fine! I'll play the bottom part," Amanda shouts, mostly to shut Jean up.

"Any more objections?" Raven growls.

"No," the four girls say with a whine. Scott shivers and counts to ten again.

"Good! Moving on!" the blue teenager growls. "Blob, you will be the left door knocker, the deaf one, and Ray, you will be the right door knocker, the mute one."

The boys both nod because they can see how upset Raven is already.

Lightning just smiles at his girlfriend and says, "Magneto, you will be the Wiseman, and Pietro will be the Hat."

"Thewhat?" Pietro says. "I'mgoing tobe thebird?"

"Yes, you are," snaps Raven. "Now, shut up so I can finish up the casting! Evan, Mastermind, Mesmero, and Calisto will be the first four goblins with speaking parts."

These four know better than to speak up.

Lightning goes on, "Lance, in addition to _helping _Piotr with Ludo, you will also be the goblin who lives under the rock."

Lance's only answer is a very stubborn glare.

Raven can tell there will be issues after casting. She looks at her boyfriend, "Why didn't I bring Apocalypse?"

"Because he's not in this play?"

She sighs. "I should have created a part for him. He absolutely refuses to work on any play he's not in." She sighs again. "Okay, Sabretooth, you will be the goblin who drives the giant."

He nods sadly. "More adamantium-lined contracts?"

Lightning grins, "Yup. You guys are willing to sign anything in your sleep. Sam, you will play the cannonball."

The New Recruits laugh heartily. Sam tries not to blush at the attention, but fails.

Raven rolls her yellow eyes and tosses her bright red hair out of her face. "Viper, Gauntlet, Omega Red, Boliver Trask, and Guy Spears will be playing the goblins on horses."

X23 glares at Raven. "Why did you cast them at all?"

Raven grins at her. "I just want to see them get trampled."

X23 and Logan laugh. "Okay, then," Laura says.

The five not-so-nice cast members look angry and just a little scared.

Lightning states, "and for similar reasons, Duncan, Webber, Principal Kelly, and Alex will be playing the goblins with poking sticks."

"The poking creatures will be Forge's Incredible Animatronic Robots, naturally," Raven responds.

"Naturally," he agrees.

"Wait," Alex cries out. "Why do you want to see me get trampled? I've never done anything to you!"

"Oh, we just needed a fourth goblin," Raven says. "Next, we have the Cleaners, played by Cybelle, Torpid, and Lucid."

"Of course she would cast us Morlocks to play sewer-dwellers," Lucid mutters.

Lightning speaks up before Raven can respond, "Taryn will be the fairy."

"That's it?" Taryn says. "I get to play a fairy?"

"That's it," Raven says – nodding.

"She's neveh seen this movie before, has she?" Rogue asks.

"Nope," Jean answers.

Both of the mutant girls smile evilly.

"Should I be scared?" Taryn asks.

"Very," Raven agrees. "Now, the False Alarms will be played by X23, Angel, Nick Fury, Storm, Caliban, Logan, and Hank."

Logan shrugs, "It's better than a chicken suit." (1)

Hank quickly nods his agreement.

"And Bobby, you will be the worm," Lightning says.

"Aw, man! I was hoping I'd lucked out on this one."

"Well, too bad," Raven says rather cheerfully, which scares the cast and crew decidedly.

"And that about raps it up," Lighting says. He starts putting his clipboard up.

"Wait a minute! Who plays Toby?" Rogue asks.

"Toby?" Lighting says – scratching his head as if he doesn't know who she's talking about.

"Yeah, ya know _Toby_, the toddleh the whole movie revolves around?" Rogue snaps.

"We had a few problems casting Toby," Raven says. "You see, at first we wanted to shrink Evan and put him in diapers, but…"

"Then we thought about it," Lightning goes on.

"And we decided that it would just not give you much of a motive to finish the Labyrinth," Raven says.

"Then, we thought Kurt would give you motivation!" Lightning says. Kurt looks horrified.

"But I thought there is no one else to play Sir Didymus," Raven whines. Kurt looks greatly relieved.

"Soo…" Lightning says.

"We cast David Haller as Toby," Raven whispers.

"WHAT?" Rogue says.

Raven and Lightning shrug. "We had to cast somebody, and he's Xavier and Gabrielle's son…"

"Oh, good grief!" Rogue says.

"You're upset?" Lucas says. "I'm the one they're insisting on putting in a stripped jumper!"

"What's my motivation ta find him again?" Rogue asks.

"Not him, _David_," Raven and Lightning say in unison.

Scott tries counting to ten again, but he only gets to five before he starts screaming bloody murder.

Jean tries to calm him down, but he is beyond comforting. Sabretooth snaps a rude remark to Logan, who shoots out his claws and attacks. X23 joins in the fight for fun. Pyro is running in circles around Wanda because Remy is chasing him. Rogue and Lucas are fighting. Pietro is whining about being a bird hat, but no one is listening to him. So, he decides to give everyone makeovers. Needless to say, no one is happy about that. Lance knocks him down with a tremor that nearly collapses the building. Kitty turns on him. Then, Lance and Piotr start fighting over Kitty again. Toad is hopping up and down on Pietro's back while Tabby stuffs timebombs down his pants. Amara, Amanda, Taryn, and Jubilee are hiding under a table because Pietro used Storm's makeup for the makeovers, and she's a little pissed off.

CRACKLE

Gabrielle grabs Lucas by the ear right as the rain starts pouring down and ruining the set.

The chaos has returned.

Raven puts her head in her hand. Lightning whispers in her ear, and she shrugs. He looks mad, but grabs her and they leave.

And we shall leave as well.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> (1) This is a reference to Remy Hood, one of my most popular parodies.

I have a little free time over the next two weeks. I may get a few chapters up. I may get just this one. I do not know, but I am looking forward to this one. It's been a long time coming. I tried very hard to typecast the main parts, which is why there are a few big characters who have little parts. I had a hard time choosing between Logan and Scott for Hoggle, but Scooterdinck won out. (Oh, and THAT is a reference to a parody called The Rogue Bride, which was a collaboration with she-who-keeps-changing-her-name.) Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy this as much as I do!


	2. A Horrible Mistake

**Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS!**

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><p><strong>AN:** This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!

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><p>And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…<p>

Labyrinth

Scene 1: A Horrible Mistake

Rogue wears a blouse and jeans under a flowing white costume that is tied at the waist with a cord. She has a wreath of fake flowers in her hair. For once, she is not complaining about her outfit. She is grinning rather profusely.

"You _really_ like this play, don't you?" Jean asks her.

"Doesn't everybody?" Rogue says with a grin.

"Taryn seems to be enjoying it," Jean says with her eyebrow raised. The girl mentioned is twirling around in front of a mirror and Duncan in her skimpy fairy outfit. She is covered in body glitter.

Rogue grins. "She ain't gonna like it much longer."

Both girls laugh as they see Forge dragging in a very familiar device. (1)

Bobby screams when he sees it. "You can't do this to me!"

"He can, and he will," Raven groans as she and Lightning appear out of the shadows again. She points to the duct tape. "Stand on it. You too, Taryn."

Taryn waves cheerfully to Duncan and dances to the tape. She thinks she looks so beautiful in her costume that even Scott must be sorry he broke up with her. That is until she notices how nervous Bobby is. He is actually shaking.

Forge grins at Raven. "I recalibrated this to shrink them to four inches tall."

"Shrink… them?" Taryn asks.

Raven nods. "And the percentage it works?"

"I've increased that too. It works 92% of the time now."

"Excellent," she says with an evil grin.

"You are incredibly sadistic today, dear," Lightning says.

Her eyes flash, "Would you rather I was angry today, _dear_?"

"Maybe… but probably not," he says, adding a laugh.

"Forge…" she says.

Taryn looks as frightened as Bobby by the time the machine works.

"Too bad you can't really fly," Jean says to her as she picks her up with two fingers.

Taryn says something back that is too high pitched to understand.

Everyone looks at Forge. He shrugs. "What? She doesn't even have any lines!"

"Can Bobby talk?" Raven says with a grimace.

"I think so," Bobby says.

A wave of relief passes through the cast.

"Well, then. In that case, can we get started?" Lightning whines.

"Of course. Jean, just put her on that hook over there. Yes, the one with the string attached. Jubilee, can you protect Bobby until his part is over? Good. Places everyone! Lights!" The lights come on seemingly by themselves. "Camera!" The camera starts running by itself. "Action!" Raven calls out.

Music begins to play as bubbles fill the air. Jaime is blowing them off stage. The screen is black and dark. Slowly an IAR owl flies over a cardboard maze and by some mirrors. Pietro runs by holding a sign that reads "Labyrinth." The IAR owl flies past it. Gambit starts singing off-stage about how it's only forever… The IAR owl keeps flying…

"Okay, okay, why are we doing the introduction?" Lightning asks.

When he wakes up and pulls himself out of the bricks, Raven answers, "Because you need to be more patient. Gambit, start singing!"

Gambit starts singing about life not being easy… Lightning sits in his chair and pouts. The IAR owl flies over some water. Then it flies by the mirrors again.

"Oh, come on, Raven! Get on with it!" Lightning whines.

She frowns, holding the remote. The IAR owl lands on his lap. Then, it explodes.

Forge glares at her. He goes to get another one.

"Are you done complaining, Lawr?" Raven asks.

"Nope."

"Why are you in such a bad mood today? I'm normally the one in a bad mood?" Raven asks.

"My roommate kept me up all night," Lightning whines.

"_Your roommate_ kept you up all night?" she says with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, he did… stupid Ghost…" he grumbles.

"You can't even see him… or hear him," she deadpans.

"No, but he can move stuff and bang things around!" he whines.

Raven sighs. "I'll talk to him."

"Thanks. Oh, look, Forge is back!"

"Finally," mutters Raven. "Back to work!" She starts the IAR owl again. Lightning groans.

This time the IAR owl flies into a park and lands on a statue.

Rogue runs across a stone bridge. The look on her face is incredibly urgent. An IAR swan sits in the stream behind her. No one asks how they got it in the sound studio this time. She stops half-way to the IAR owl. "Give me the child," she says seriously. She starts walking slowly toward the IAR owl. "Through dangehs untold and hardships unnumbehed Ah have fought my way here ta the castle beyond the Goblin City ta take back the child that y'all have stolen. For my will is as strong as y'all's and my kingdom is as great."

Thanks to Storm, thunder rolls causing Rogue to glance up at the sky. She looks back at the IAR owl and then down to the ground as if she lost her place. "For my will is as strong as y'all's, my kingdom as great. Damn. Ooo, Ah can neveh remembeh that line." She digs out a book from up her sleeve. She ignores the look from Logan. Kitty holds the script up showing him the curse word was in it. He still growls. She looks in the book and sighs, "Ya have no poweh oveh me."

The thunder rolls again and Rahne starts barking from her place on a stone bench where she has been watching the performance.

"Oh, Rahne," Rogue says with a sigh. That's when the big clock in the distance starts chiming. She look up to the clock tower and says, "Oh no, Rahne! Ah don't believe it! It's seven o'clock!" She lifts up her costume and starts running toward the bridge. "Come on, come on!" Rahne chases her.

The IAR owl watches them as they cross the bridge. The rain starts falling heavily.

The scene changes as Rogue and Rahne round a corner. They are both soaked to the bone. Gambit starts singing the same song again, still off-stage. The girls, well, Rahne is still in her wolf-form, but the girls run down a street and cross through a few yards to get to the front door of a rather large home. "Oh, it's not fair!" Rogue whines.

Gabrielle stands with a hand on her hip. She is dressed up and holds her coat. "Oh, really."

"Ah'm sorry," Rogue starts.

Gabrielle cuts her off. "Well, don't stand there in the rain. Come on." She nods towards the door.

"All right. Come on, Rahne. Come on."

"Not the dog!" Gabrielle insists, pointing at Rahne. Rahne growls at her.

"But it's pourin'!" Rogue whines.

"Go on, into the garage," Gabrielle says.

Rahne growls again and shakes herself off. She makes sure to soak Gabrielle.

"EW! Charles!" Gabrielle complains.

Raven bangs the clipboard against her head. "It started off so well, too…"

"That's because Rogue had a monologue…" Lightning decides to agree with her for once. This is mostly because he wants her to talk to his roommate.

"True," Raven agrees. "Pietro! Fix this!"

Pietro supplies Gabrielle with a new costume in the blink of an eye.

"Now get back to work!" Raven growls.

"Aww… Go on, Rahne. Go inta the garage," Rogue says sadly. "Go." Rahne grudgingly walks off the stage, where she shakes off and changes into her human form. Jubilee hands her a towel.

"Thanks," Rahne whispers.

Rogue heads into the big house ahead of Gabrielle. "Anna, you're an hour late."

"Ah said Ah'm sorry," Rogue snaps.

"Please let me finish," Gabrielle interrupts. "Your father and I go out very rarely."

"Y'all go out every single weekend!" Rogue contradicts.

Gabrielle talks over her. "And I ask you to babysit only if it won't interfere with your plans."

Rogue turns towards the stairs, "Well, how do ya know? Ya don't know what my plans are. Y'all don't even ask anymore."

Gabrielle follows her. "Well, I assume you'd tell me if you had a date. I'd like it if you had a date. You should have dates at your age." A toddler's cry sounds in the background. Everyone looks confused.

"Ah, Anna you're home," Charles says. He rolls in with a blonde two-year-old on his lap. The toddler is wearing a red-and-white striped jumper. The cast looks confused.

"Who is that?" Rogue asks.

"It's David," Raven informs her.

"But David is a teenager," Jean says.

"There were some complications," Xavier says, steepling his fingers around his infant son.

"Complications?" Rogue asks.

Suddenly, Lucas is the one sitting on Charles Xavier's lap. He stands up. He points at Raven. "She made me sign a bloody contract saying I would awaken David's personality as a toddler just for this play! In my sleep! How can she be more powerful than I am! I'm the most powerful telepath that has ever lived!"

"That is quite enough, Lucas!" Gabrielle snaps. "You're ruining my scene!" Everyone looks at her. They expect these kinds of outbursts from Raven – not the cast. "Well, it's my only scene! Lucas, bring David back now!"

The two-year-old giggles and lets Xavier pick him back up. Rogue stomps up the stairs. "We were worried about you!" Xavier calls up after her.

"Ah can't do anythin' right, can Ah?" she shouts back down. Rogue stomps to her room to change into dry clothes.

Xavier looks confused. He turns to Gabrielle. She shakes her head. "She treats me like a wicked stepmother in a fairy story no matter what I say."

"I'll talk to her," Charles says. He looks up the stairs and raises his eyebrow. Pietro speeds him up the top. David throws up. Xavier glares at Pietro, who only shrugs and cleans up the mess before Raven gets mad.

Inside the room, colorful dolls, toys, and books cover every available space. Rogue, now dry, sits at her vanity and repeats, "Through dangehs untold and hardships unnumbehed Ah have fought my way here ta the castle beyond the Goblin City…" A scrapbook lies open with newspaper articles covering the pages. The pictures are all of Mystique. "…Ta take back the child that y'all have stolen." Rogue wears a flimsy gold paper crown and talks to her reflection. Around the mirror are more pictures of Mystique. Some of the pictures also have Irene in them with her.

There is a knock at the door. "Anna?" Xavier calls. "Can I talk to you?"

"There's nothin' ta talk about!" Rogue shouts back. She takes off the crown and slams it down on the vanity. "Y'all betteh hurry. Ya're gonna be late."

"Listen, we fed David and put him to bed. We do have to leave now, but we'll be back around midnight."

Rogue gets offended and turns back to the vanity. "Y'all really wanted ta talk ta me, didn't ya? Practically broke down the dooh!" She slams herself down onto the bed, but sits up immediately. One of her stuffed animals is missing. "Lancelot! Someone has been in my room again. Ah hate that. Ah hate it!"

"Don't we know it," Ray says.

Rogue glares at him before stomping out of the room.

David is already awake and starting to cry. On the floor of Xavier and Gabrielle's room is a stuffed alligator.

Kitty looks at it. "Isn't that, like, the stuffed alligator Gambit gave you?"

Rogue's face turns red. "Shut up, Kit! Y'all're ruining the play!"

Gambit laughs. "Remy won t'at for Roguey at t'e carnival. She said she'd kept it only because he didn't steal it."

"Shut up, both av y'all!"

The cast starts to laugh until Raven and Lightning shout, "That is enough! Back to work!"

Scott starts banging his head against a brick wall and counting to ten.

"Ah hate ya. Ah hate ya!" Rogue screams as she crosses the room and picks up the much-loved alligator. She holds it closely. "Someone save me. Someone take me away from this awful place!"

"Remy'd be glad to, chérie."

The stuffed alligator hits him in the head.

Raven uses her telekinesis to send the alligator back to Rogue. "Now, let's get through this scene!"

Rogue and Gambit gulp and nod.

The thunder rolls again. David is still crying.

Rogue looks at him. "What do y'all want? Ya want a story, huh? Okay." She walks to her parents' bed and sets the alligator gently down. She sits next to it. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, young girl whose stepmotheh always made her stay home with the baby. And the baby was a spoiled child, and he wanted everythin' fer himself, and the young girl was practically a slave." She stands up and walks to a mirror. "But what no one knew was that the king av the goblins had fallen in love with the girl, and he had given her certain powehs. So one night," she says, putting on a hat that matches David's outfit, "when the baby had been particularly cruel ta her, she called on the goblins fer help."

Somewhere, a pile of goblins are sleeping. One of them wakes up. "Listen," Evan says.

"'Say yer right words,' the goblins said, 'and we'll take the baby ta the Goblin City and y'all'll be free.'" Rogue says, adjusting the cap.

The goblins are all awake. They gasp in anticipation.

She pulls off the hat. "But the girl knew that the king av the goblins would keep the baby in his castle foreveh and eveh and eveh and turn it inta a goblin. And so the girl suffered in silence until one night, when she was tired from a day av housework and she was hurt by the harsh words of her stepmotheh," she says as she walks near the crib, "and she could no longeh stand it…" David's cries grow louder as the thunder crashes. "Oh, all right! All right!" Rogue sighs, picking him up. "Knock it off. Come on. Stop it! Stop it! Ah'll say the words. No, Ah mustn't. Ah mustn't say."

The goblins gasp again.

She holds David a little away from her. "Ah wish… Ah wish…"

"Is she going to say it?" asks Mastermind.

"Say what?" Mesmero asks stupidly. He feels very demeaned at being given this part.

The other goblins shush him.

"Shut up!" and "Quiet!" are said by Calisto and Evan at the same time.

"Sorry," Mesmero says.

"You shut up," Mastermind tells one of the Random Goblin Extras.

"Listen," Evan says. "She's going to say the words."

Rogue holds David above her. "Ah can beah it no longeh! Goblin King, Goblin King, whereveh ya may be take this child av mine fah away from me!" David is still crying.

The goblins are disappointed. "That's not it," Mastermind whines.

"Where'd she learn that rubbish? It doesn't even start with, 'I wish'." Calisto shakes her head.

"Oh, David, stop it!" Rogue says, pulling him close. "Oh, Ah wish Ah did know what ta say ta make the goblins take ya away."

"'I wish the goblins would come and take you away right now'," Calisto says. "That's not hard is it."

Rogue suddenly looks as if she's had an epiphany. "Ah wish… Ah wish…"

"Did she say it?" Mesmero asks.

"Shut up!" the goblins squeal. Scott screams. Jean hits him upside the head to shut him up.

Rogue lays David down in the crib and covers him up. She walks to the door and stops at the light switch. David is still crying. "Ah wish the goblins _would_ come and take ya away." She flips off the light. "Right now." Then, she walks out of the room. Suddenly, the crying stops. Rogue freezes. She turns around. She walks slowly back into the room. "David? David, are ya all right?" She flips the switch up and down. Nothing happens. "Why aren't you cryin'?" Slowly, ever so slowly, she walks towards the crib. Something moves in the crib and makes a strange sound. Rogue gasps. She walks closer and pulls back the covers. There is nothing in the crib – no David – no monster. The crib is empty. She gasps again.

"And cut!" Raven says. She sighs with relief.

"Remind me to, like, never let you babysit," Kitty says to Rogue.

"Oh come on, Kit. It's just a play," Rogue defends herself.

"What a totally horrible story to tell a little baby!" Kitty says.

"That baby is Legion, Kitty. Ah think he can handle it!" Rogue declares.

"Ugh," Lucas moans. "I hate this!"

"Wait a second!" Bobby cries out. "You mean you shrunk me already and you aren't even going to do my scene yet?" He is four inches tall and dressed in a blue worm costume.

"Precisely," Lightning acknowledges.

"That's not fair!" Bobby whines.

A high-pitched mumbling comes from Taryn's direction. From the way Taryn moves about on her string, everyone assumes she is agreeing with Bobby.

"Life's not fair," Rogue and Raven say. Scott runs screaming from the set.

"What is his bloody problem?" yells Lucas.

"Oh, we can't start naming that…" Toad says.

"Yeah, we'd be here all year!" Lance agrees.

"Can we go now?" Lightning whines to Raven.

"Fine!" Raven is obviously getting annoyed with his impatience. They leave, and we should go as well.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> (1) This is the same shrinking machine used in "Rogue White and the Seven Mutants."

Chapters will be shorter than Pirates, so they may come faster. It was possible for me to write this in one sitting. We will see how fast the rest come! I hope you all enjoyed reading this! Unfortunately, I didn't have time to proof-read it for several days! Sorry!


	3. Enter the Labyrinth

**Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS!**

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><p><strong>AN:** This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!

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><p>And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…<p>

Labyrinth

Scene 2: Enter the Labyrinth

When everyone arrives, Taryn looks extremely distressed. She is squeaking about and bouncing around on her string.

"What's wrong with her?" Bobby asks from her special spot on Jubilee's shoulder.

Jean laughs. "Apparently, there were some barn owls that scared her during the night."

Taryn squeaks loudly.

"Oh, and some bats!" Jean starts laughing harder.

Scott shakes his head. "Taryn is terrified of bats."

"Bats? Oh, come on," Evan sighs. "If you have to be afraid of something, why not be afraid of something worthwhile?"

Lightning frowns at him. "Don't be so mean. Everyone is afraid of something."

"Oh really? Even Raven?" Kitty demands.

Lightning looks thoughtful. "The only thing Ravie is afraid of is sentinels – oh, and sandcastles."

"I am _not_ afraid of sandcastles!" Raven growls at him. "They just give me nightmares." She adds a shudder. The cast and crew look vitally interested. "That story is _not_ going to happen – _ever_. Let's get started! Lights! Camera! Action!"

Outside the window, the IAR Owl beats against the glass door, trying desperately to enter the dark room. Rogue looks around, scared stiff. The IAR Owl enters the room and flies into her face. She covers her head with her hands. Through the magic of Pietro, the IAR Owl is replaced with Remy. Rogue slowly looks at him. He stands before her in the doorway wearing a sparkling, black tunic and very tight tights. A sparkling, black cape flutters around him in the wind. His hair has been gelled into a mess of longish, drooping spikes. Against his will, he is wearing make-up. Pietro snaps a picture. Rogue's jaw drops. She had imagined him looking good in his costume, but this is beyond all belief. His red-on-black demon eyes twinkle with delight as he takes in her admiration. Raven clears her throat.

"Oh, right," Rogue says. "The play." Gambit grins. Raven glares. Rogue starts staring again. She brings her hands down slowly. "Ya'll're him, ain't ya? Ya'll're the Goblin King. Ah want my brotheh back, please, if it's all the same."

"What's said is said," Remy says.

"But – Ah didn't mean it!" Rogue insists.

"Oh, you didn't?"

"Please?"

"It's hard for Remy to deny his chere somet'in' she wants so much," Gambit catches a glance at his future-from-another-dimension-daughter and decides, "but for t'e sake of t'e play, he must."

Rogue glares at him. He is very likely to get the alligator thrown at his head again. "Where is he?"

"You know very well where he is," Remy tells her.

"Please brin' him back. Please," Rogue inserts a little quiver to her voice that so often works on Remy's heartstrings. He wants so badly to give her what she asks. He knows Raven would have his head, though. Her glowing, yellow eyes attest to that much.

"Anna… go back to your room… play wit' your toys and costumes. Forget about t'e baby."

"Ah can't," she says.

Remy tries changing the subject. "Remy's brought you a gift." He holds his hand up and a bubble-like crystal ball appears by way of Pietro.

Curiosity gets the better of her. "What is it?"

"It's a crystal." He starts waving his hand back and forth. The ball travels back and forth like magic. "Nothing more."

"How does he do that?" Ray asks. He finds himself against the brick wall, very sore.

"One of Rem's powers is natural dexterity," Rogue answers. "Makes him a betteh theif."

Raven puts her head in her hand. Lightning rubs her shoulder. "It will all be over soon."

"Fine. Let's keep this play moving! Back to work!"

Gambit has been rolling the ball the whole time. "But if you turn it t'is way… look into it… it'll show you your dreams. But t'is is not a gift for an ordinary girl who takes care of a screaming baby." He stops rolling the crystal and holds the ball up again. "Do you want it?" She looks at the ball, but makes no answer. He can see in her eyes that she does. "T'en forget t'e baby."

She shakes her head. "Ah can't. It isn't that Ah don't appreciate what ya'll're tryin' ta do fer me, but Ah want my brotheh back. He must be so scared."

"Anna," Remy interrupts her. Pietro switches the crystal with a rubber snake. Remy stretches it out. "Don't defy Remy." He throws the rubber snake at her neck. She cries out and grabs at it, but Pietro has swapped the snake for a scarf. She drops it as if it were on fire. Evan pulls the scarf off of his face and glares at her before running off laughing. Mastermind, Mesmero, and Calisto all pop out of hiding places and laugh as well. When Rogue looks back, they hide again. She gasps. "You're no match for Remy, Anna."

"But Ah have ta have my brotheh back," she insists.

He points out the window. "He's there, in Remy's castle." She walks out the window. Instead of the ordinary view of the dark yard and pouring rain, Rogue is greeted with a stunning sunrise over a huge painted scene of a castle, surrounded by a great and powerful labyrinth. (1) "Do you still want to look for him?"

They are no longer anywhere near her house. They are on a somewhat barren hill top. "Is that the castle beyond the Goblin City?"

Instead of answering her, Remy forewarns her. "Turn back, Anna. Turn back before it's too late."

"Ah can't," she says for the third time. "Don't ya understand that Ah can't?" She turns back to the maze.

"What a pity," Remy says walking up rather close to her.

"It doesn't look that far."

"It's further t'an you t'ink," Remy says, leaning over her shoulder and savoring her nearness. "Time is short." Somehow, a clock has appeared on a random tree. He points to it. "You have t'irteen hours in which to solve t'e labyrint'," here he starts walking backwords, "before your baby brother becomes one of us – forever." He and the clock seem to fade, but it is only a combination of Pietro and Forge's holograph projector. "Such a pity," he says into the microphone off-stage.

Rogue looks around, suddenly alone. She sighs a determined sigh. "The labyrinth. It doesn't look that hard. Well, come on, feet." She starts walking down the hill. The sun rises, brightening the world as she reaches a clearing and sees Scott standing near a little pond. He is wearing a crazy outfit and an awful brown cap. He is holding a plastic water gun. He appears to be peeing into the pond, but it's only the water gun. He's humming. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, uh, excuse me!" Scott says, pretending to zip his fly. He frowns. "Oh, it's you." He manages to sound deeply disappointed. He reaches down to pick up a strange looking contraption.

"Excuse me, but Ah have ta get through this labyrinth. Can ya help me?" she asks him. The normally uptight young man walks off. Tayrn is finally off her string. She glides with the help of Jean's telekinesis and smiles cheerfully as her little wings flutter. She is so happy, even at four inches tall and unable to communicate because she thinks she has a wonderful part. "Oh, how sweet," Rogue says when she sees her.

"Fifty-seven!" Scott says as he sprays her with something that smells terrible and just might be poison. Jean lets her go. She falls and breaks three bones in the process. He kicks dirt over her. Taryn throws up.

"How could ya?" Rogue gasps, running to her and picking her broken form up.

"Yeah," Scott mutters.

"Poor thin'," Rogue says. "You monster. Ow!" She drops Taryn harshly, which results in fifteen more broken bones. "It bit me!" Taryn squeaks piteously, trying to say she did no such thing, but no one can understand her and furthermore, no one cares.

Scott laughs and looks over his shoulder at Rogue. "What did you expect fairies to do?"

"Ah thought they did nice thin's, like, like grantin' wishes," she replies.

"Shows what you know, don't it?" Scott says, returning to his duty. "Fifty-eight," he says as he sprays an IAR Fairy, who falls bitterly to the ground with a squeak.

"Ya'll're horrible," Rogue says.

"Huh? No, I ain't. I'm Scottle, really? Scottle?" He looks over at the directors.

They both shrug. "Scott is not really a name people screw up," Lightning says.

He glares. "Who are you?"

"Anna."

"That's what I thought." He spots another IAR Fairy and sprays it. "Fifty-nine."

"Do ya'll know where the door ta the labyrinth is?" Rogue asks.

"Maybe," he says.

"Well, where is it?"

"Ooo, you little … sixty!" he says. He jumps up and down and laughs.

"I said, where is it?"

"Where is what?" Scott says nastily.

"The door."

"What door?"

"It's hopeless askin' ya anythin'."

"Not if you ask the right questions."

"How do Ah get into the labyrinth?"

"Aaah, now that's nore like it. You gets in there." He points and a door has magically appeared where there was no door. This is managed by a few complicated machines of Forge's and Pietro when the machines fail to work. The door opens by itself using Raven's telekinesis. "You, uh, really going in there, are you?"

"Yes," Rogue says. "Ah'm afraid Ah have ta." She walks through the door and glances around. The labyrinth looks straight as far as the eye can see on either side.

Scott startles her by creeping up behind her and saying, "Cozy, isn't it?" Rogue gasps. He laughs horridly and walks to the wall. "Now, would you go left or right?"

"They both look the same."

"Well, you're not gonna get very far."

"Which way would ya'll go?" she asks.

"Me? I wouldn't go either way."

"If that's all the help ya'll're gonna be, ya can just leave," she growls at him.

Scott starts walking off. "You know your problem? You take too many things for granted. Take this labyrinth, even if you get to the center, you'll never get out again."

"That's your opinion," Rogue says brightly.

"Well, it's a lot better than yours," Scott snaps as he walks through the doorway.

"Thanks for nothin', Scooterdinck." The entire cast and crew, minus Raven and Jean snicker. Scott rolls his eyes.

"OOH, it's Scottle! And don't say I didn't warn you." He stomps off, furious and waves to the doors. The doors, with Raven's help, slam loudly shut.

Rogue gasps and the noise and turns around to look. She starts walking down a path. The labyrinth is made of grayish-brown bricks. There are dead branches strewn about the pathway. The walls are covered, here and there, with a strange kind of IAR Lichen. It has eyes and makes a noise as it watches Rogue pass by. On and on she walks, past branches and over logs. She keeps looking around for changes, but never finding any. She starts to get frustrated. She notices everything is now covered in glitter. She walks faster. "What do they mean "labyrinth"? There ain't any turns or cornehs or anythin'? It just goes on and on." She stops and leans against the wall. "Maybe it doesn't. Maybe Ah'm just takin' it for granted that it does." She starts running down the path. She runs for quite a while, but gives up in frustration and bangs the walls.

"And cut!" Raven calls out.

"What is with all the glitteh?" Rogue says. "Ah mean, Ah know the set design calls for _some_, but this is ridiculous."

"Pietro got into it," Wanda says with a groan. "We tried to stop him, but you know my brother…"

"Oh… that explains it."

"Ah man!" Bobby whines. "It was almost my scene, and she cut it off!"

"Oh, shut up!" Lance says. "You're worse than Todd!" Toad looks rather smug.

"Take that back!" Bobby says.

"You want to start something?" Lance growls.

"How can I start anything?" Bobby asks. "I'm _four inches tall_!"

"Oh, right," Lance says.

"Ugh, he is, like, so dumb!" Kitty whines. "Why did I ever think he was cute?"

"I am cute!" Lance says.

"Right," Rogue says, rolling her eyes.

"Hey!" Lance snaps.

Just then, Remy walks out, still in his costume. "There's no competin' with that," Rogue informs Lance with a stupid grin on her face. She's not the only one staring at his – um, tights.

Lance glares.

Raven has missed all of this because she has been deeply in a conversation with Forge. "Okay, now's good."

Suddenly, a beam shoots out of the shrinking ray and hits Lance. He screams as he shrinks to about a foot high. "What's the deal?"

Raven shrugs. "It's necessary. Ready to go, Lawr?"

"Yup," he says. They are suddenly gone and we will leave too.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> (1) No, I do not own "The Wizard of Oz" either.

Sorry about the wait. This summer, a bunch of family decided it was the perfect time to visit! I will try to get a new chapter out for ASIR next week… hopefully! Oh, and you can all thank Person Who Loves This Parody for this update! She gave me the kick in the butt I needed to get it done. Otherwise, it definitely would not have been written this week. I have company, and I am behind in my school work. As it was, I stayed up 'til 1 in the morning writing this. So you all better review! XD

Next up, Bobby's scene… finally. And a bit more of Rogue wandering around lost! Joy of all Joys!


	4. Misdirection

**Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS!**

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><p><strong>AN:** This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!

* * *

><p>And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…<p>

Labyrinth

Scene 3: Misdirection

Raven yawns as she enters the studio with Lightning trailing behind. She glares at her boyfriend. "What?" he asks.

"It is not fair that you don't need as much rest as I do."

He laughs, which gets him knocked through the wall again. Needless to say, Raven is feeling much better when he wakes up. She chews a severely cayenne peppered slice of pizza while he glares at her.

"Do we even want to know what this is about?" Scott asks.

"All night Alfred Hitchcock marathon," the lovebirds declare (1). Scott screams and starts hugging himself.

Bobby shakes his head. "Can we please start the play so I can_ finally _do my part?"

Raven nods, "I think that is the first time Bobby has had a good idea."

Lightning tries to think of another time just to pick a fight, but he can't. So instead, he just says, "Hmm, that may be true." That earns him a smile from Raven, and he feels like it is almost as good as starting a fight would have been.

"Lights! Camera! Action!" Raven orders.

Rogue sits down in the heavily-glittered labyrinth. She feels like crying. She puts her head in her hand and sighs in frustration.

"'Allo," Bobby says.

Rogue looks around in confusion until she see the little, blue, furry, costumed Bobby-Worm. "Did ya say 'hello'?"

"No, I said, ''Allo,' but that's close enough," he says.

"Ya're a worm, aren't ya?"

"Yeah, that's right," Bobby says, apparently completely at ease with his worm status.

"Y'all don't, by any chance, know the way through this labyrinth, do ya?" she asks desperately.

"Who, me? Nah, I'm just a worm," Bobby says. Several of the New Mutant girls giggle, but a glare from the exhausted Raven shuts them up quickly.

"Oh," Rogue sighs.

"Come inside, meet the missus," Bobby says and then gulps. "Missus? I'm married? To who?"

"Jubilee," Lightning answers.

"Oh, well, I guess it could be worse," he says with a shrug. Jubilee glares at him and throws the nearest object at him. He barely dodges the carton of rice. "Hey, you could have squashed me!"

Raven yawns, "Okay, no squashing Bobby until we are _done_ with his scene, please."

Everyone stops and stares with open jaws.

"What? Can I not be polite once and a while?"

"It just doesn't happen often…" Lance stupidly says. He finds his foot-tall-self flying through the air and landing in a bowl of dip.

Fred groans. "Aw, Lance, why'd you have to go and land in the dip? I was eating that!" He wisely blames Lance instead of Raven.

Lance peals a chip off his head, "Oh, like you don't get enough food?"

This little argument threatens to turn into an all-out chaotic war. However, Raven has had enough. Her glowing, yellow eyes glare at the cast and crew as she floats above where her chair used to be. The chair itself, and Lightning's chair, orbit around her. "I am done. Get back to work, and Fred, give Lance a bath!"

With a gulp, Fred picks Lance up and trots to the water fountain. Lance does not complain. Lightning comes out from hiding only when the chairs are back in place. Raven and Lighting turn back to the stage.

Rogue continues, "No, thank y'all, but— Ah have ta solve this labyrinth. But there ain't any turns or any openin's or anythin'. It just goes on and on and!" Her voice rises with each word.

"Well," Bobby says, "you ain't looking right. It's _full_ of openings, it's just you ain't seeing them."

"Well, where are they?"

"There's one just across there. It's right in front of you."

Rogue looks at the labyrinth wall. "No, there ain't."

"Come inside and have a nice cup of tea."

"But there ain't an openin'."

"Of course there is," he says with a laugh. "You try walking through it. You'll see what I mean."

"What?" she asks, turning back towards Bobby.

"Go on, go on then," he urges.

"That's just wall. There's no way through."

"Things are not always what they seem in this place. So you can't take anything for granted."

She turns back to the wall, holds out her hands, and tries to walk through the wall. She ends up walking into another corridor. "Hey!" She smiles as starts walking left.

"Hang on," Bobby calls.

"Thank ya!" she calls peeking her head through the opening again. "That was incredibly helpful."

"Don't go that way," Bobby says with a warning tone in his voice.

"What was that?"

"I said, don't go that way. _Never_ go _that_ way."

Rogue looks at the other passage. "Oh, thanks!" She heads down the right passage.

Bobby shakes his small head. "If she'd have kept on going down that way she'd have gone straight to that castle."

Later on, Rogue has made it to a different part of the maze. The bricks are cream under the red mud, and there is much less glitter. As she walks, she comes upon what could be a sign explaining which way to go. The problem is, there are no words—just hands pointing in different directions. She looks confused until she hears David crying off stage. "David," she whispers. "Ah'm comin', David." She takes off towards the crying at a run.

Inside the castle, David sits crying his eyes out, surrounded by scary-looking muppets, Evan, Mastermind, Mesmero, and Calisto.

Toad shivers. "I'd be crying too if I was up there, yo."

"Shut up!" Fred begs at a whisper.

Todd shuts up quickly.

"Give me back this!" Mastermind shouts.

"Go on, get off me," growls Calisto.

"Stay out of the way," orders Evan.

"What are you talking about?" Mesmero roughly inquires.

A strange and dizzy melody plays.

"Walk, walk, walk," Mastermind insists.

Remy sits in his throne. His hair is in the same style, but he wears different clothes. His tights are gray. His shirt is white and billowy. He also wears a black, leather vest and boots. He taps the throne with a long riding crop. His black-gloved hand masks his face as he looks thoughtfully towards the clock.

A goblin shots a spitball at a chicken, which makes other goblins laugh hysterically.

David is still crying.

Remy gets up. He grabs Evan by the throat. "You remind Remy of t'e babe."

"What babe?" Evan chokes out.

"T'e babe wit' t'e power."

"What power?"

"T'e power of voodoo," Remy says.

"Who do?" Calisto asks.

"You do."

"Do what?" Mesmero asks.

"Remind Remy of t'e babe," he says, making the goblins laugh again. "Quiet! A goblin babe," and he starts laughing. The goblins don't join in. He stops. "Well?" They immediately start laughing. Remy starts singing about seeing his baby crying hard and the magic of dance. Soon, all the goblins are singing and dancing along. This makes David stop crying and smile. As Remy dances around, all the girls, except Raven naturally, drool. The four mutant goblins sing along. Remy manages to kick a few muppet goblins across the room.

During his song, Rogue is still searching for the right path. She takes her lipstick out and marks an arrow on a stone in the path. She heads the way it points. After she passes, Lance lifts the stone up. "Hey, what's going on?" He jabbers nonsense that ends with him shaking his fist at her and yelling, "Your mother is a fraggin' aardvark!" No protests arise on that point. That is probably because Mystique is not there. During this, he has managed to turn the stone upside down.

Unaware of the short goblin's anger, Rogue marks another stone and turns down the lane. Lance flips that stone as well.

Back in the castle, Remy holds David. "In nine hours and 23 minutes, you'll be mine." He laughs with the goblins again. Carefully, he sets David down and starts to dance and sing again. This time he sings about his baby trying hard and more dance magic. Evan and Calisto hold David's hands. They are actually the least scary looking goblins, excluding Remy, who just looks hot. When David starts laughing, Remy picks him up and dances with him, throwing him up in the air.

With her lipstick almost gone, Rogue makes a final arrow on the path. Lance has a Random Shrunken Goblin Extra to help him turn the stone. "You got it?" Lance asks.

"I got it," the Random Shrunken Goblin Extra replies.

"Good."

Rogue sighs as she looks around. "Oh, no." She turns right around and looks at her arrow. It is facing a different direction. "Someone has been changin' my marks." She throws the lipstick tube. "What a horrible place this is. It's not fair!"

"That's right. It's not fair," Amanda says. Rogue looks up. The dead-end she just encountered has been replaced by two guarded doors. The red guard has Jean and an upside-down Amanda. The blue guard has Tabby and an upside-down Danielle. The girls are hidden by large shields that cover everything but their hands, feet, and heads. She slowly approaches them. The guards laugh. "But that's only half of it," Amanda continues.

"This was a dead end a minute ago."

"No, that's the dead end behind you," Danielle says. The guards laugh again.

Rogue turns around. Sure enough, the walls, thanks to Pietro and Forge, have closed behind her. She is trapped. Panicked, she cries out, "It keeps changin'. What am Ah supposed ta do?"

"Well, the only way out of here is to try one of these doors," Amanda informs her.

"One of them leads to the castle at the center of the labyrinth," Danielle says, "and the other one leads to…"

"Babababoom," Tabby sings.

"Certain death," Danielle finishes.

The guards all say, "ooooo," in the way people say it when they are pretending to be a ghost. Scott screams loudly and runs into the men's room to lock himself in a stall.

Rogue rolls her eyes at him and then asks the guards, "Which one is which?"

"Eh, we can't tell you," Amanda says.

"Why not?"

"We don't know."

"But they do," Danielle says.

"Oh, then Ah'll ask them," Rogue says.

"Uh, no, you can't ask us," Jean insists. "You can only ask one of us."

"Mm hmm, it's in the rules," Tabby states. "And I should warn you that one of us always tells the truth, and one of us always lies. That's a rule, too. She always lies."

"I do not. I tell the truth," Jean snaps.

"Oh, what a lie!" Tabby remarks.

"She's the liar!" Jean insists.

"All right," Rogue says to Jean, "Answeh yes or no. Would _she_ tell me that this dooh leads ta the castle?"

Jean leans behind her shield and grumbles to Amanda. "What do you think?"

"I don't know," Amanda replies.

"Yes," Jean finally answers.

"Then the otheh dooh leads ta the castle, and this dooh leads ta certain death," Rogue deciphers.

"How do you know? She could be telling the truth," Jean asks.

"But then y'all wouldn't be," Rogue says. "So if ya told me that she said yes, Ah know the answeh is no."

"But I could be telling the truth," Jean insists.

"But then she would be lying," Rogue says. "So if y'all told me that she said yes, Ah know the answeh would still be no."

"Wait a minute." Jean turns to Tabby and asks, "Is that right?"

"I don't know. I've never understood it," Tabby says. The guards start laughing again.

"No, it's right. Ah've figured it out. Ah could neveh do it before. Ah think Ah'm getting' smarteh. This is a piece av cake." She opens the door, takes a step and immediately falls through a huge hole in the set.

"And cut!" Raven calls, with another yawn.

"Well," Lightning begins.

"If you say that went well, I swear I will not speak to you for a month!" Raven growls.

Remy helps Rogue up out of the hole. She can't help staring at his tights, um, er, face… yeah, let's go with face. He smirks at her. "Oh, get that smirk off yer face, Swamp Rat, before Ah smack it off."

Remy starts laughing.

Lance and Bobby approach the directors. "Can we be unshrunk now? _Please_?" they beg. Very loud screams erupt from the men's room.

Raven shrugs. "I don't really care. Forge, go ahead and unshrink Lance and Bobby."

Taryn starts squeaking noisily.

Raven rolls her eyes. "_Because_ they asked politely, Taryn." She yawns again. Lawr, can we go? I need some sleep."

He nods, and they leave, and so shall we.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> (1) Get your heads out of the gutter! Lol I do not own Alfred Hitchcock!

Look, I'm not dead!

First and foremost, I am truly sorry about the wait. Life is what it is. Please understand that I am not a teenager with nothing but time on my hands. I am an adult with a husband and three children, have been going to college full time, and now I will be getting a full-time job as soon as I can. Time to write must be stolen from the few moments I have to myself. However, I have been very ill. I ended up going to see a neurologist who informed me that 1) it is NOT cancer (Thank God!), and 2) that it IS Chronic Migraine. So, between being so sick I could barely walk, graduating college, and the holidays… writing got put on the back burner.

Second of all, let's talk about grammar in the Southern United States. Everyone throughout the country, and a few of you English-speakers in other countries, know that y'all is a contraction which means "you all." However, if you are not from the Southern United States, you may misunderstand the proper way to use it. Many of you will think that "you all" is plural, so y'all is always plural. That is not the case. Here in the South, we understand, and Rogue would too, that y'all is singular, and "y'all all" is plural. Thank you.

Next up, the oubliette!


	5. Oubliette

**Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS!**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!

* * *

><p>And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…<p>

Labyrinth

Scene 4: The Oubliette

"Look, mate, I just don't know how many times I'm gonna have to apologize," Pyro is whining to Remy from behind Wanda.

"Oh, Remy don't know, at least ten million more," Gambit answers.

"But I didn't even want to do it! Raven made me! She threatened to blow up me flame thrower!"

"She really did," Rogue concurs. "She charged it and everythan'."

"Don' care," Remy says, "But t'at do give Remy an idea." He grins evilly and looks at the innocent flame thrower.

"Oh no, not the flame thrower, _anything_ but the flame thrower!" Pyro cries out.

"Seriously, Gambit, you aren't over that yet?" Raven says stepping out of the shadows with Lightning in tow.

"Non, Remy is not!" is the reply.

"Well, get over it!" Raven and Lightning shout.

Scott was walking by, carrying a tray of tea for Jean. He jumps, and the tea crashes to the floor, clattering loudly.

"Scott! My tea!" Jean whines.

"Well, at least I didn't scream that time," he says.

"You will," Raven and Lightning say. Scott screams. "Told you," They say. He screams again. Raven grins.

"That is _so_ _much_ fun, but let's start the play. Lights! Camera! Action!"

Rogue is falling down a hole, but there are hands catching her. There is a black wall with a bunch of holes in it. A very large number of Jaime clones are standing behind the black wall and sticking their hands in the holes. The cameras are placed so it looks like Rogue is falling down a round hole. She screams as she falls, "Ah! Oh, help!" The hands slow her fall. "Stop it! Help!"

A few Jaime Clone hands form a face and say, "What do you mean 'help'? We are helping." Another Jaime Clone Hand Face, or JCHF, says, "We're helping hands."

"Y'all're hurtin'," Rogue says in a scared voice.

A JCHF asks "Would you like us to let go?" They do and she starts falling.

"No!" she screams. They catch her again.

Another JCHF asks her "Well then, come on, which way?"

"Which way?" Rogue asks.

A new JCHF asks, "Up or down?" The JCHF's are impatient and Rogue doesn't know which way to go. "Come on, come on! We haven't got all day," cries another one. "Well, it's a big decision for her," a more patient JCHF says. "Which way do you want to go, hmm?" another one asks. "Yes, which way?" Yet another JCHF asks.

"Well, since Ah'm pointed that way, Ah guess Ah'll go down," Rogue says as soon as the JCHF's let her get a word in edgewise.

"She chose down!" a JCHF says excitedly. "She chose down?" a JCHF says questioningly. They start laughing.

"Was that wrong?" Rogue asks as they start moving her down.

"Too late now," the JCHF's tell her.

She finally falls through a cobwebby hole in the bottom of the pit. She hits the bottom with a thump. Well, she would have, but Raven didn't want her mother getting hurt. So, she gently floats down with Raven's telekinesis and Jaime hits a drum into a microphone offstage to make the thump. Raven is really happy because they made it through the entire scene without a single interruption. She is even smiling at Lightning.

Rogue gets to her knees and starts wiping the cobwebs off her gloves. "Ugh," she says before she notices how dark it is. In fact, the only light in the room is coming from the hole she just fell from. She looks up and watches a door close over it. The door has a very small grated-window in it. The room is even darker now. She looks around, frightened.

Remy and the goblins are watching through one of his magic crystals. He's back in the black outfit again and balances the crystal on one finger. "She's in t'e oubliette," Gambit says. All the goblins start cheering. Scott shudders uncontrollably. Remy gets frustrated. "Shut up! She should not have gotten as far as t'e oubliette. She should have given up by now."

"Ah don't give up easily," Rogue says, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Believe me, Remy's noticed," He says, laughing.

Raven sighs, "And it was going so well too…"

Lightning pats her back, "It's okay."

"I thought maybe we could get through one time, just one time without any interruptions! I mean, is that really asking too much?" she says.

"Maybe," he replies.

She raises an eyebrow at him. "Whose side are you on anyway?"

"Yours, naturally," he says and kisses her cheek.

Raven blushes, turning her cheeks a bright purple. Remy glares daggers. "Lightning!" Raven says.

"What? Oh right… the whole no PDA thing… sorry!"

"Remy t'inks it's time to start workin' on t'is play again," Gambit says through clenched teeth.

Raven and Lightning both suddenly look over at him and shrink down into their chairs, "Yes, sir…" they say in very small voices. Scott screams.

Remy glares at Evan who isn't paying attention. Bobby clears his throat. "Evan… you wanna maybe say your line before Remy decides to kill one of our directors?" Bobby asks.

"Ohh, right, sorry!" He gets into position and says, "She'll never give up."

"Won't she? T'e cyclops is about to lead her back to t'e beginnin'. She'll soon give up when she realizes she has to start all over again." Remy laughs, but the goblins don't. "Well, laugh." So, the goblins decide to laugh heartily. After all, with Gambit in this mood, it's probably a good idea just to do whatever he says. Gambit joins in the merriment and throws the crystal into the air where Raven's TK keeps it suspended as the camera zooms in on it. In the crystal is a picture of Rogue.

As the crystal breaks, the scene changes. Back inside the oubliette, Rogue hears a noise. "Who's there?"

"Me," a voice sounds, followed by laughter. The striking of a match and a candle lights to reveal the voice's owner is none other than Scott.

Rogue stands up and pretends she's happy to see him. "Oh, it's y'all."

"Oh yes, well," Scott stammers. "I knew you were gonna get into trouble as soon as I met you. So I've come to give you a hand." He walks over to her cheerfully. He notices she's looking around at the glitter-covered stone walls, floor, and ceiling of the oubliette. "Oh, you're looking around now, aren't you? I supposed you noticed there ain't no doors."

"All Ah noticed is Pietro got ahold of the glitter again..." Rogue deadpans.

"I just thought the set looked a little boring! Okay? This is an improvement! Believe me!" Pietro insists.

Raven starts banging the clipboard against her head. Lightning thinks about patting her back again, but catches a glimpse at Gambit and decides against it. "Back to work, peoples!" He yells instead.

"Only the hole," Scott continues. "This is an oubliette. The labyrinth's full of them."

"Really? How do ya know that?" Rogue asks.

"Oh, don't sound so smart," Scott snaps. "You don't even know what an oubliette is."

"Do you?" she says, crossing her arms across her chest, and raising her eyebrow.

"Well, not until I did this play," Scott answers.

"Stop ruining our play!" Raven and Lightning yell.

Scott starts crying and runs offstage.

"Oh great, now look what y'all two did!" Rogue whines. "Now someone's gonna have ta go fetch the little baby."

Everyone looks at Jean. "What? Why do I always have to go calm him down?"

"Because you're the only one who cares?" Lance says.

"You're his girlfriend," Tabby says, "and boy am _I_ glad I'm not _you_!" Amara, Rahne, and Tabby all giggle.

Jean glares for a full 90 seconds before saying, "Fine! _I'll_ go get Scott so we can finish the scene."

They come back half an hour later, and Scott gets back into place. "Yes, it's a place you put people to forget about them. Now, what you've got to do is get out of here. And it so happens that I know a shortcut… out of the whole labyrinth from here."

"No, Ah'm not givin' up now," Rogue declares. "Ah've come too fah. No, Ah'm doin' okay." She sits down on the cold, glittered floor.

"Of course you are," Scott says sarcastically. He goes over and pats her gloved hand. "But it gets a lot worse from here on in."

She looks him in the eyes, er, well in the red sunglasses anyway, and asks, "Why are y'all so concerned about little ole me?"

He backs up nervously, "What? Well, I am, that's all. Nice, young girl; Terrible, black oubliette…"

Rogue looks at her bracelet. "Ya like jewelry, don't ya?"

"Not particularly, but for the sake of the play, why?" Scott answers. This response earns him glares from both directors. Raven's eyes are glowing. He gulps. "Sorry!" He now looks as nervous as the part calls for and he repeats the line as it was supposed to be read, "Why?" and backs up a bit to increase his distance from Raven.

During all of this, Rogue has taken the bracelet off. She holds it in her hand. "If ya help me solve the labyrinth, Ah'll give ya this." She holds it up. "Ya like it, don't ya?"

Scott definitely likes it. He recognizes it as a bracelet he gave to Jean last week. He's about to say something about it, but one look at Raven makes him instead say, "So-so," and turn away.

Rogue puts her hand down. "Oh, okay." She stands up and puts it back on.

Scott does not like to see Rogue wearing Jean's bracelet. He stammers and then says, "Tell you what… give me the bracelet, and I'll show you the way out of the labyrinth."

"Y'all were gonna do that anyway," Rogue exclaims, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yes, well, that's what would make it a particularly nice gesture on your part," Scott remarks, anxious to get his dearly beloved's bracelet back into his own hands.

"No," Rogue declines. "Ah'll, Ah'll tell ya what, if y'all won't take me ta the centeh, take me as far as ya can, and then Ah'll do it on my own." She holds out the bracelet again.

"What is that anyway?" Scott asks.

"Plastic," Rogue says.

"Hey, isn't that mine?" Jean asks, finally getting a good look at the bracelet.

Rogue shrugs. "Rems found it lyin' around."

"Lying around where _exactly_?" Jean asks angrily.

"Your jewelry box," Gambit says with a smirk, and takes a sip of his coffee.

Rogue giggles and Raven grins. For once, she seems to be enjoying the interruption. "Okay, back to the play, everyone!" Raven says.

Amidst Jean's mumbles about how her jewelry box is always locked electronically, Scott decides to listen to Raven and say his line. "Ooo, I don't promise nothing, but, uh, uh… I'll take you as far as I can. Then, you're on your own, right?"

"Right," Rogue answers with a nod.

"Right." The bracelet is transferred to Scott, who puts it on and admires it, "Ooo, plastic." CLICK goes Pietro's blackmail camera. Scott glares at him and starts leading the way to a board that's just lying around the floor of the oubliette. He uncovers it from under a cloth and blows off some of the glitter. "Here we go." The board looks like a door. He places it against the wall. A clicking sound is heard as Pietro sets up the right part of the set. Scott opens the new door. Brooms, mops, and buckets fall on him. He curses and starts kicking things around. Logan growls, but Kitty shows him the script to calm him down. "Broom closet." Scott shuts the door. "Well, can't be right all the time."

"About_time_youadmittedthat!" Pietro remarks. He then finds himself flying across the room into a brick wall.

"Carry on," Lightning insists after he resets the set himself because Pietro is unconscious.

Scott opens the door from the other side. "Ah, this is it. Come on then." Rogue follows him through the door. On the other side of the door is a dark, but much-glittered passageway with as many twists and turns in it as the labyrinth above it. In the walls, standing in alcoves, are X23, Angel, Nick Fury, Storm, Caliban, Logan, and Hank. All of them are dressed in costumes that make them look like statues, covered in glitter. All of them are glaring at the unconscious Pietro. "This way." Rogue follows Scott blindly as they pass the creepy-looking actors.

"Don't go on," Laura growls.

"Go back while you still can," Logan demands in a low voice.

"This is not the way," Nick Fury insists.

"Take heed and go no further," Ororo commands.

"Beware. Beware," Caliban's voice seems to slither the warning. All of the New Mutants are actually starting to get a little frightened by this time.

"Soon it will be too late," Warren tells them.

"Ah, don't pay any attention to them," Scott tells Rogue. "They're just false alarms. You get a lot of them in the labyrinth. Especially when you're on the right track."

"Oh, no you're not," Warren calls after them.

"Shut up," Scott snaps.

"Sorry, just doing my job," Warren grumbles.

"Well, you don't have to do it to us," Scott remarks rudely.

"Beware," begins Hank, "for…"

"Just forget it," Scott cuts him off.

"Oh, please, I haven't said it in such a long time," Hank begs. He rolls his eyes, "From Shakespeare to begging…"

"We can do without the adlibbing, Beast," growls a very angry blue teenager.

"Oops, sorry, didn't mean to say that out loud," Hank says.

"Oh, all right, but don't expect a big reaction," Scott says, throwing up his hands in frustration. They stop to listen to Hank's warning.

"No, no, no, of course not," Hank says politely before clearing his throat. "Beware, for the path you will take will lead to certain destruction," he says with overly dramatized emphasis. "Thank you very much."

Rogue and Scott suddenly notice a crystal rolling down the path. "Uh-oh," Rogue says.

"Oh, no," Scott says.

The crystal rolls to a beggar goblin sitting against the wall and jumps, with the help of Raven's TK, into his cup. "What have we here?" the strange muppet-beggar-goblin thing says in a strangely familiar voice.

"Uh, nothing," replies Scott, backing up.

"Not'ing?" Remy asks taking off the disguise and standing up. "Not'ing'? Not'ing? Not'ing, tra-la-la?" Each nothing sounds angrier than the last.

Scott looks at Raven, "Do I really have to do this?"

"YES!" Raven and Lightning shout.

He screams. After he regains his composure, he bows to Gambit and says, "Your Majesty, what a nice surprise!"

"Hello, Spittoon," Remy says with a smirk.

"Scooterdinck," Rogue says, trying not to laugh.

"Scottle!" Scott remarks, remembering to say it to Rogue, not the Goblin King, naturally.

"Scottle, can it be t'at you're helpin' t'is fille?" Remy asks.

Scott stutters, "Helping? In what sense?"

Remy happens to be wearing gray tights, a white shirt, a brown leather jacket, black gloves, and a long black cape. Rogue is practically drooling, and she's not the only girl there feeling the same way. He sweeps the cape behind him. "In t'e sense t'at you're leadin' her towards t'e castle," he says with glowing red-on-black eyes.

"What? No, no, I was taking her back to the beginning, your Majesty," Scott says quickly.

"What?" Rogue exclaims.

"I told her I was going to help her solve the labyrinth… a little trickery on my part, but actually…" Scott explains.

"What is t'at plastic t'ing round your wrist?" Remy interrupts.

"Oh," Scott hides his hands behind his back. Then, he takes them back out and looks at the bracelet, "Oh, this." He laughs nervously. "Oh, my goodness, where did this come from?"

"Spittle," Remy groans.

"Scottle," Scott corrects.

"Oui," Remy says, "If Remy t'ought for one moment t'at you were betrayin' him, he'd be forced to suspend you headfirst in the Bog of Eternal Stench."

"No, your Majesty!" Scott drops to his knees, grabs Remy's leg, and begs. He's already had a preview of the Bog and can't imagine having to touch it. "Not the Eternal Stench!"

"Oh, yes, Scottle!" Remy says, kicking Scott off into the wall. "And you, Anna." He walks over to her and places a hand on the wall above her. He's only about a foot away from her. "How are you enjoyin' Remy's labyrinth?"

Rogue drags her eyes up from his tights and into his eyes… and completely forgets her line. "What?"

Remy laughs. "Got a little drool there, Chère."

"Oh, shut up, Swamp Rat, and give me my script," she says.

"I thought you said you, like, knew this movie by heart," Kitty remarks.

"I do," Rogue growls.

"Chère's, just a little distracted, no?" Remy laughs.

Lightning looks over at Raven, who is wearing that dreamy look she always wears when her parents act all in love. He waves his hand in front of her face, "Uh, Ravie, Ravie…"

She waves his hand away. "This is good stuff, Lawr,"

"It's ruining the play," he says.

"It's making Gambit forget about you kissing me earlier," she whispers.

"Shutting up now," he says.

Rogue looks through the script and finds the line. "Oh yeah, that's right." She throws the script back to Kitty. She looks back up to Remy, who has gotten closer than the script calls for. He's now only six inches from her face. "It's a piece av cake," she lies.

"Oooh," Scott sighs, and places a hand on his head.

"Really?" He says, taking a step closer. "T'an how about uppin' t'e stakes?" He points and suddenly a fancy clock appears. Apparently, Pietro has finally woken up. The clock is held in the air by Raven's TK. Remy moves the clock ahead an hour. Well, technically, Remy points at the clock, and Raven moves the clock ahead an hour.

"That's not fair!" Rogue shouts.

"You say t'at so often," Remy replies, walking past her, very close to her. "Remy wonder what your basis for comparison is. So, the labyrinth is a piece, is it? Let's see how you deal wit' t'is little slice." He readies a crystal to throw.

"And cut!" Raven calls.

Lightning starts to say something, but Jean cuts him off. "Scott, hand over the bracelet before you break it!"

"We need it for the rest of the play," he whines.

"So, you'll just have to go to the store you bought it from and buy one in your size then!" Jean demands.

"Fine!" he hands the bracelet over,

"And Gambit!" Jean shouts. Everyone looks at her. She's in full Phoenix mode. "Stay out of my jewelry box!"

Gambit's face goes slightly pale, but he otherwise keeps his composure, "Gambit will be sure to remember t'at, fille."

In the midst of this exchange Lightning and Raven have been sneaking towards the door.

"Wait a minute, Remy wants to talk to you two!"

Raven looks at Lightning, "Run!" He grabs her hand and does just that.

And it's probably a good time to leave, considering Blob just realized Toad ate the last jelly filled donut…

"Todd!" A table flies by.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> Okay, update on my life. The worst part of my illness is now, mostly, under control. YAY! Turns out the Chronic Migraine wasn't even the cause of that anyway. *rolls eyes* Stupid neurologist, thinks he knows everything… Anywho, I got a job! XD So, I have hardly any free time. The great part is, my three kids and writing these parodies actually help me deal with the chaotic environment at my job. I love my job. It's great… and surprisingly not that different than trying to write these plays… actually it's probably a little _less _dangerous. Lol

So, again, I am so very sorry for the long wait. I will try to update more frequently. In fact, I'm going to try to get a few chapters done before I upload this one. XD.

Next up, the cleaners and Pietro sitting on his daddy! XD


	6. Turning Point

**Disclaimer: The goblins have run off with the paperwork declaring I do not own X-Men: Evolution, Labyrinth, or any character other than my OCs! The goblins! The GOBLINS!**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** This play is dedicated to anyone born before 1990. Thank you!

* * *

><p>And now without further ado, Raven and Lightning present…<p>

Labyrinth

Scene 5: Turning Point

"Why is Todd hanging from the rafters by his tongue?" Raven asks as she walks into the studio with Lightning.

"No clue," Fred says, placing his arms behind his back and whistling.

"I don't even wanna know," Lightning says.

"Just get him down," Raven insists.

"I can't climb up there!" Fred exclaims. "The whole building would collapse!"

"He has a point," Scott agrees.

"An incredibly valid point," Jean says.

"Alright then, _you_ get him down, Jean," Raven commands.

"Me!" Jean sighs, but uses her telekinesis to untie the knot in Toad's tongue and slowly bring him down.

He starts kissing the ground. "Oh, thank you, Jean! Thank you! I could just kiss you!"

"Please don't!" Jean groans.

"Well, I won't, because Wanda might get jealous," Toad says.

"Ew!" Wanda says.

Pyro hits Toad on the head. "Ow, what was that for?"

"I think you know what it was for, mate," he answers with a glare.

"That's quite enough!" Raven shouts. "Lights! Camera! Action!"

Remy throws the crystal down the dark, heavily glittered passageway and backs out of the scene.

"No, the cleaners!" Scott shouts.

Down the passageway comes a device Forge has been working on. It fills the entire passage leaving no safe place. It has sharp points on a cone that has several rotating sections. At various positions on the cone are what look like mixer blades, only if mixer blades were sharp knives honed from adamantium. It's coming quickly.

"What?" Rogue asks, watching as Scott takes off at a run.

"Run!" he shouts back to her.

She quickly follows him, screaming. She catches up and instinctively grabs his hand, or actually, because the script says to grab it. They keep running and screaming until Scott trips. Rogue helps him up. "Y'all okay?" she asks as they start running again. "Come on! Faster!" They try very hard to out run the cleaners, but the machine is gaining on them. All of the sudden, they come to a locked gate.

"Oh, no," Scott says, rattling the bars. "The cleaners! The Bog of Stench! You sure got his attention." Remy nods his agreement.

Rogue is looking for other means of escape. She finds false wall in the side of the passageway. She pushes on it until Scott notices and comes to help. They push together until the wall collapses just as the machine reaches them. It passes them by. The back of the machine has a huge bicycle wheel where Cybelle sits and a long twisted pipe that Torpid and Lucid turn in sync. The cleaning machine busts through the chained gate and continues down the passageway.

Rogue and Scott stand up and dust themselves off. Scott notices a ladder. "Ah, this is what we need... a ladder. Follow me."

But Rogue doesn't trust Scott anymore. Like she every really trusted Scott to begin with. "How can Ah trust y'all now that Ah know ya were takin' me back ta the beginnin' av the labyrinth?"

Scott has already started climbing the ladder. "I wasn't. I told him I was taking you back to the beginning just to throw him off the scent."

"Scottle, how can Ah believe anythan' you say?" she asks.

"Well, let me put it this way. What choice have you got?" he replies.

"Y'all're right," she says with a sigh and starts up the ladder.

"You see, you've gotta understand my position," Scott says. "I'm a coward, and Remy scares me." Gambit grins. He has a voice recorder with playback. He rewinds it now and plays it. "I'm a coward, and Remy scares me." Everyone laughs, other than Scott, Jean, and Raven, of course.

"Gambit like t'e sound of t'at," he says. "Let's play it again." He rewinds it again.

Scott's voice is heard saying, "I'm a coward, and Remy scares me."

"Even better t'e t'ird time," Gambit says with an evil smirk.

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny," Scott deadpans. He blasts Gambit with his eyebeam. Naturally, he misses. Gambit's too quick and agile. However, it was a very bad move on Scott's part.

"Scott Summers!" Raven yells. "You are dead! You hear me!"

"Raven, honey, can you wait to kill Scott until _after_ the play?" Lightning begs.

"No," she answers. "I'll have Mystique take over his part."

"Mystique didn't sign a contract for this play. She's not even here."

Raven glares at Lightning, "Are you _trying _to pick a fight with me?"

"No, I'm trying to point out that if you kill Scott, the only shapeshifter we have to take over his part is… you."

Raven glares, "Yeah, that's not going to happen."

"So, maybe you can just beat him up after the scene?" Lightning says.

"Agreed," she says. Scott gulps.

"Back to work!" Both directors say, making Scott scream once again.

"What kind av position is that?" Rogue asks.

"No position. That's my point," Scott says, "and you wouldn't be so brave if you'd ever smelled the Bog of Eternal Stench. It's… It's…" Suddenly, the rung Scott steps on gives way and breaks. It falls noisily to the ground below.

"Is that all it does is smell?" Rogue asks, effectively ignoring the dangers of the ladder.

"Believe me, that's enough," Scott says truthfully with a shudder. "But the worst thing is, if you so much as put a foot in the Bog of Stench you'll smell bad for the rest of your life. It'll never wash off." He lifts the manhole cover to exit to underground passage.

The manhole cover turns out to be the lid to a decorative pot… Scott and Rogue climb out of it.

"Now wait just a minute!" Bobby shouts. "I have stood by while entire oceans showed up in the sound studio, islands and mountains too… but this is utterly ridiculous! There is no way Scott and Rogue both fit in that pot!"

"It's kind of a big pot," Jubilee disagrees.

"It's not that's big," Todd argues.

"But they were supposed to be climbing up from underground! The bottom of that pot might be big enough to fit Rogue, but Scott? Come on!"

"I'm with Bobby on this one," Lance pops up. "That pot is definitely not big enough for a secret entrance to the underground passageway. Not to mention, it's _sitting on a table_!" The pot really is sitting on a table, and there is no table cloth underneath, just air.

Kitty gets into the argument just to torment Lance, "You both, like totally, forgot the most important part!"

"And what is that?" Lance asks sarcastically.

"The _magic_ pot is in a _magic_ labyrinth!" Kitty and Rogue yell. Scott starts crying.

Jean sighs, "Now, look what you've done! Come here, baby." He runs to Jean's arms.

Raven looks at Lightning, "I'm going to kill him. I'm just going to kill him. It's not like I've never killed anyone before, and his part is over." She's obviously talking about Bobby.

Lightning looks offended, "_I'm_ the only person you've ever killed before, Raven LeBeau!"

Raven raises an eyebrow, "You're jealous of me killing someone else? Seriously?"

"Yes," Lightning answers. "Yes, I am." He pouts.

"Fine, have it your way, the loser can live," Raven groans, "but I'm still mad about the play." She crosses her arms and actually pouts. She even sticks out her lower lip. She mutters under her breath, just loud enough for Lightning, Logan, X23, and Sabretooth to hear, "Lousy boyfriend… won't let me kill anyone…" Logan and Sabretooth actually laugh at this.

Lightning perks up, however, "Bobby and Lance, I'd suggest you both _**shut up**_ about the pot right now, and Rogue, Scott, can we retake that scene? Please!"

Scott lifts the lid off the pot. It clatters to the ground. "Here we are then," he says as he climbs out. "You're on your own from now on."

"What?" Rogue says, climbing out of the magical pot on the table.

"That's it, I quit," Scott says, wishing he could quit the play, but knowing now is probably a bad time for another interruption.

"Wait a minute!" Rogue says, now sitting on the top of the pot. She jumps down, "Scottle!"

"I didn't promise nothing. I said I'd take you as far as I could go."

Rogue steps in front of Scott. She's been waiting for this part of the play, and she intends to enjoy every second of it. "Ya little cheat! Ya nasty, little cheat!"

Jean looks really mad, but Kitty holds up a copy of the script. Jean mutters something about Rogue not having to look like she enjoys it so much. Kitty shrugs because no one else cares.

"Now, don't try to embarrass me. I've… got… no… pride," Scott says the last line through clenched teeth. He turns around and starts walking away.

"Oh, yeah?" Rogue says. She reaches down and grabs the bag that was hanging from his belt. She takes her gloves off as well.

"But them's my eyeglass cleaners, I mean, jewels!" Scott cries out. Rogue is holding them away. The only way he could get them is by touching her skin. "Oh, you give them back! Give them back! Give those back!"

She places one hand on his head very carefully not touching his skin, but he can't move much. "Uh-uh!" she says playfully.

"Give those back to me!"

Positive she has won this battle, she pauses. "Now, there's the castle. Which way should we try?"

But Scott is still upset about the eyeglass cleaners… or jewels, as the play is calling them, "Them's my rightful property! It's not fair!"

"No, it isn't," Rogue agrees. "But that's the way it is," she says as if she finally understands the meaning of life.

Just then, Magneto walks into the courtyard balancing Pietro, who's sitting cross-legged, on his head. This is accomplished by Pietro's costume feather's being mostly made out of metal. Pietro is dressed up as a metallic bird-hat. Still, Magneto walks slowly. "Boy, you have gained weight."

"Take that back!" Pietro exclaims.

"Lawrrr!" Raven whines. "Just one little person…"

"No."

"But…"

"No buts, Raven."

Pietro takes the hint, "Um, Dad… Maybe we should continue this conversation _after _the play?"

"Good idea."

"You still get to beat Scott up after the scene is over," Lightning says.

"It's not the same," Raven whines.

"Why are you so whiney today?"

"Because _they're_ ruining my play and _**you **_won't let me _hurt_ them!" Raven shouts. She is floating about her chair. Her eyes are glowing, and several things are circling around her.

"Now, _that's_ my girl," Lightning says, right before Raven knocks him through a wall.

"Feeling better?" Wanda ventures.

"Yes, actually I am," Raven says with her usual smirk, sitting down. "Back to work!"

Magneto walks, balancing Pietro on his head, up to a stone seat that is carved to look like books. He sits down. Rogue and Scott run up to him.

"Excuse me, please, but can y'all help me?" Rogue asks.

"Oh, a young girl!" Magneto says.

"Woo, woo, woo!" Pietro says, winking at Rogue, who grins back at him. Gambit glares at them both.

"And, and who is this?" Magneto asks, meaning Scott.

"My friend," Rogue says.

"Well, yes," Magneto says, "and what can I do for you?"

"Please, can ya tell…? That is… Ah have ta get ta the castle at the centeh av the labyrinth. Do y'all know the way?" Rogue responds.

"Ah, ah, well, yes, now," Magneto thinks. "You want to get to the castle." It takes him two minutes to say the last line.

"How'sthat forbrainpower, huh?" Pietro says.

"Be quiet!" Magneto shouts to him.

"Ah, nuts," Pietro whines.

"So, young woman…the way forward is sometimes the way back," Magneto says.

"Ay! Willyou listento thiscrap?" Pietro exclaims.

"Will you please be quiet!" Magneto growls.

"Sorry, allright!"

"Okay?"

"Okay!"

"All right."

"Allright."

"What?"

"Sorry."

Magneto starts to fall asleep, but his eyes pop open, and he looks up at Pietro. "Finished?"

Pietro pauses before responding, "Yes."

Magneto finally focuses back on Rogue. "Quite often, young lady… it seems like we're not getting anywhere, when in fact…"

"Weare," Pietro cuts him off.

"We are," Magneto finishes with a glare up to Pietro.

"Ah'm certainly not gettin' anywhere at the moment," Rogue says.

"Huh, jointheclub," Pietro says. Magneto is pretending to be asleep. If he'd really been asleep, Pietro would have fallen off his head. "I, uh, thinkthat's yourlot. Pleaseleave acontribution in the giantbucket."

For the first time, Rogue and Scott notice Magneto is carrying his helmet. Pietro shakes his father's arm to make the helmet more noticeable. Rogue looks at Scott's bag. "Don't you dare! Them's mine," Cyclops insists.

Rogue looks at a ring she's wearing. "Well, Ah guess Ah can spare this." She drops it into the bucket, er helmet…

"Gracias, Senorita," Pietro says as Rogue walks off, followed by a rather forlorn Scott.

"You didn't have to give him that," he tells her. "He didn't tell you nothing."

"Well, well, then, theregoa coupleofsuckers," Pietro snickers. Magneto snores away. "Oh, it'sso sitmulatingbeing yourhat."

After a while of wandering through the hedged path of the garden part of the labyrinth, Scott asks, "Why did you say that… about my being your friend?"

"Because ya are," Rogue answers. "Y'all may not be much av a friend, but y'all're the only friend Ah've got in this place." On the other side of the hedge, Viper rides an IAR… creature. "Do ya heah somethin'?" Viper turns a corner before they turn the corner. They just miss each other. "No, it's all right."

"Friend," Scott considers. "I like that. I ain't never been no one's friend before." Several people snicker over that remark. Scott rolls his eyes at them.

Suddenly, a giant roar is heard off stage. Piotr is roaring with all his might into a microphone off stage. The sound is quite deafening.

"Ugh, goodbye!" Scott yells as he turns and flees.

"Wait a gosh-darn minute!"

"Rogue!" Raven exclaims.

"But he!" she points at Scott.

"No cursing unless it's in the script!" Raven says calmly, scaring most of the cast and crew into trembling.

"But he pulled an Evan on me!" Rogue whines.

"You've been dying to say that for a while, haven't you?" Scott says.

"Yup, sure have," Rogue says with a grin.

Scott looks at Rogue, "You know I'd never turn and run on you in real life, right? I'm not Evan."

"Yeah, Ah know, Scott. Ya've only told me a thousand times," Rogue says, "but it was fun ta tease ya!"

Evan glares at them, "Pulled an Evan?"

"Oh sure," Rogue explains, "That's what we say we someone betrays us ta ouh very core because they're a coward like y'all."

"Auntie O?"

"Don't look at her," Kitty says, "She, like totally, came up with the phrase."

Calisto looks at him, "Well, the Morlocks like you, Evan." She mutters under her breath, "At least we pretend to."

"As much as we could all listen to Evan's shortcomings all day…" Lightning says impatiently.

"I know, I could," Raven says with an evil grin.

Lightning laughs, "Yeah, me too, but there is still a play to get on and Rogue, this time…"

"No cussing!" Raven and Lightning yell. Scott screams in utter terror and torment.

"Wait a minute!" Rogue shouts as she runs after Scott. She grabs his arm.

Piotr continues roaring into the microphone.

"Keep the stuff!"

"Are ya my friend or not?" Rogue asks.

"No, no, I'm not. Scottle ain't no one's friend. He looks after himself, like everyone. Scottle is Scottle's friend!" Scott replies, pulling out of her grasp.

"Scottle, you coward!" Rogue calls after him as he leaves her alone. "Well, Ah'm not afraid. Than's aren't always what they seem in this place." But she still jumps as Piotr roars again.

"And cut!" Raven says. "Now just where _did_ Scott run off to?"

"North Carolina?" Jean says.

"You really think that will save him?" Raven growls.

"Well, it was worth a try," Jean replies, for which she is sent flying into a brick wall and knocked out.

Scott shouts, "Jean!"

"I knew that would get you out of hiding, Scott," Raven says sweetly… very sweetly.

Rogue looks around. She can't find Lightning. "This is gonna be bad… Rems, ya wanna go get some coffee?"

"Aw, man, Remy wanted to stick around and watch t'e show."

"Ah'll admit it's a date," Rogue deadpans.

"Let's go," he says.

The sound of Scott's torturous screaming accompanies them as they leave… and for about a mile after they leave, as well.

That's where they find Lightning, reading a Steven King (1) book. "Oh, hey," he says as they pass.

"Can you hear t'at?"

"Of course, my hearing is better than yours," he says, rolling his eyes. "I'll go back and pick Raven up when the screaming stops. She'll want to clean up before our date."

"Y'all are so weird," Rogue says.

"Thank you," Lightning says.

And so we shall leave them, and hope Scott lives long enough to finish the play…

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> (1) I do not own Steven King or his books. I do like to read them though. XD

I thought I'd be nice and give you another chapter for making you wait so long.

Okay, two chapters in such a short time after so long an absence… Wow! O.o What happened? Well, let's see. Three computer crashes over the past year have really slowed my writing down. I got to thinking about that today. Seriously, it takes time to reinstall all your programs and files and check to make sure they all work… yada, yada, yada… and then it happens AGAIN… 3 computer crashes… seriously? Anyways, I have a bit of time on my hands right now. I won't after this week is over. So, I thought I'd use what I had to get in as much of Labyrinth as I could! Hurray for you. lol

Next up, Piotr makes his appearance and disappearance… and the Fireies come out to play! XD


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